21 Turtle Truths You’ll Never Read in a Care Guide: Confessions of a Grumpy Turtle

Think your turtle's just a quiet little swimmer? Think again.

This isn’t your average turtle care guide.

This is everything your turtle’s been dying to tell you—with attitude.

Told entirely from a turtle’s point of view (a very grumpy, very honest one), this ebook dives into the real behaviors, moods, and secret routines that most guides never mention.

Inside, You’ll Learn:

• Why your turtle hides in that one corner and won’t budge
• The real reason they stop basking suddenly
• Why they poop right after you clean the tank (and yes, it’s personal)
• How they know when you’re faking food sounds
• What they’re actually thinking while you’re sleeping (creepy but true)

What You’ll Get:

• 21 short, hilarious chapters
• Real care tips hidden inside the sass
• Turtle wisdom, sarcasm, and zero sugarcoating
• A beautifully designed ebook with bonus doodles
• And a few subtle guilt trips about your feeding habits

Just $4.99

Cheaper than a calcium block, and way more fun.

Perfect for turtle lovers, new owners, or anyone who’s ever looked into their turtle’s eyes and thought:
“What are you really thinking, little dude?”

Spoiler: They were judging you.